My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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