he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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