A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wanna go halves on a baby?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
