he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
