Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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