Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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