btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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