If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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