I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
