Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
