I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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