i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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