My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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