I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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