So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
