soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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