party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
