it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she peed on how many people?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
