He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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