he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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