Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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