hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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