remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize