Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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