I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
