My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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