In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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