I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
