mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
