Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
