he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
