Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
