We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
