you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
