thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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