Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
