And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
