um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
