we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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