there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
