Already got asked if we're dating
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
