I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Life is so much better after having sex.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
