I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize