dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
