you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
