I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting