then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.