I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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