ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?