Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably