This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?