Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
