When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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