i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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