dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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