He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
