ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
