i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
