Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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