Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
