I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
