Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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