I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fuck appropriateness.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
3 2 1 whiskey
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
