Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize