proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
