no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
