if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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