we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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