Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
