The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
