She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
