dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
