I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
