Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
