Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
