a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
