I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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